I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
