i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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