She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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