The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
