By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
