we have pet lesbian snakes
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
