No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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