Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
