I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
