i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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