You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
