im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
