I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
