At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
