why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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