Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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