he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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