So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
