Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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