Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
