Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
