did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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