a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
