he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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