Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
