I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
