We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
