You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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