More tranny stories later!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Couch. On fire.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
