the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
