Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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