I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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