Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
