I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize