Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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