Can Purell be used as lube?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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