Cold hands, warm shart.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
