It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
