Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i wish my penis had a tongue
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
