she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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