In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Sext me about skeletons
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize