No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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