I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
