God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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