Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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