How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
