You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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