haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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