it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
