He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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