i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
