dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
