I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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