i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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