I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
