I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
