He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
