there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
