I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
