She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
