But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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