Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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