get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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