Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
