the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
