Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
