mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize