Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
