Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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