So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
