If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
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