Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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