The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
