Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
